Femme de la Aku
by Kiryami
Summary: A potion-gone-awry has turned out favorite flame-slinging Nobody into a girl! Lots of random crack. Who knows what will happen. Title Pending cuz I'm lame. Rating will most assuredly go up.
1. Gender Confused

Title Pending

Warnings: Yaoi, genderswitch, slight language, weirdism, insanity, crack.

Inspired by a short article written for an AkuRoku Meme on deviantart. Please enjoy.

**All characters are copyrighted to their respective owners. Only this story is mine.**

--

The blonde stared and blinked disbelieveingly across the dining table at the newest addiction to their family for the umpteenth time that morning. Long, crimson locks fell angelically around her face and shoulders, and shy emerald eyes hid behind the bangs. A tight, ivory muscle shirt stretched over her thin and volumptuous frame, and matching cotton pants sat low on her hips. All in all, she was very beautiful; he just didn't feel quite as attracted to her as...

"Axel." At the approach of Vexen, the elder member whose potion-gone-wrong had caused the most recent problematic predicament, the woman looked up sullenly, hair falling in rippling sheets to block her face from Roxas' view. He frowned unconsciously, taking a sip of bitter, lukewarm coffee.

"Have you figured out a cure?" a soft, anxious voice that didn't quite belong to Axel asked. Vexen shook his head slowly, and the pyro sank further in the cedar chair.

"But-" the redhead glanced up again, "I do know that I _will _be _able_ to. In time," he added, a fine, pale eyebrow raised at Axel's sudden brightness. Axel turned "her" shining gaze on Roxas, who returned a gentle smile. The redhead's face fell suddenly, and her eyes widened in mortified revelation. She spun on Vexen.

"What am I supposed to do in the meantime!?"

The self-proclaimed scientist, already halfway out the door, simply shrugged. "That's for you to figure out. I'll be in the lab."

A sickeningly loud silence instilled upon his departure, and Roxas shifted uncomfortably. He glared at the damp coffee grounds in the bottom of his cracked ceramic mug. The swoosh of hair and fabric drew his attention to Axel, who watched him with desperate, watery eyes.

"Axel...?"

"What am I gonna _do_, Rox...!?" Axel sobbed, clutching at her glistening locks. Alarmed, Roxas leaped from his chair, nearly toppling it, and rushed to the aid of the distraught pyromaniac.

"Axel, it's okay, we'll--we'll figure something out!"

Axel bit her shimmering bottom lip, wiping indignantly at the tears making the triangular black tattoos shine.

"I--I know," she coughed, then forced a grin that made her look slightly insane. In a lugh, she cried, "I've never been a woman before!"

After a blinding moment of confusion, Roxas laughed too. He was hit with the pleasant realization that, despite his new look, Axel was still Axel. Their laughter carried easily through the large, marble halls, regrettably catching the attention of a certain sadistic female...

--

Notes: I personally see them in a relatively normal kitchen, as apposed to a bleach-white marble something one would expect to see in The Castle That Never Was. etc.

In my world, Roxas is a coffeehaulic. No arguments, plz.

I cry when I'm angry, and laugh when I cry. Perhaps that is where that last scene sprang up form...?

If someone wants to see the aforementioned meme, though I doubt anyone would, I'll happily send them a link.

Axel will hereonout be referred to as her, she, and all other feminine whatchacallits, until he is no longer female. Any questions??

Take care.


	2. How to be a Woman

Title Still Pending

((How to be a Woman))

Hooray! Chapter 2!! Uhh...Yup. :3

...Oh, look. Swearing.

**All characters belong to their respective owners, who are not I.**

--

"Larxene? Help _me_? Huh-uh, _no way_."

"But she's the only girl here, Axel! And you can't just--"

"But she's not anything like those girls on TV!"

"Those girls on TV are liars, Axel," a cool, feminine voice drawled. Blue and green eyes flicked to the doorway, where a cocky-looking blone woman stood smirking.

"Speak of the devil," Axel muttered. Larxene ignored the seething comment.

"_I_ can teach you how to be a _real_ woman."

There was a long moment of silence.

"What the _hell_."

"It really is the only logical choice, Axel," Roxas stated quietly, eyes purposely glued to the floor. Axel looked at him quizzically, and Roxas shifted, gripping at his shoulder unconsciously. He added in a choked whisper, "I'll be right behind you."

Axel heaved a great sigh, bowing her head in defeat, and slowly loped after Larxene, who was laughing maniacally. Roxas watched them go dismally. After a few seconds, he managed to dislodge his feet from the shimmering ground, and trudged after them, hands in his pockets. He only hoped this event wouldn't wear too heavily on his partner's mind...

--

A horrified cry tore Roxas from his daze, and he leaped off the ground to bang widly at Larxene's door.

"Axel!?" he rasped, eyes wide.

There was no response. As a matter of fact, it became oddly quiet after he spoke.

"Axel?" he tried again, more softly this time, and without the fist-on-door action.

Again, no response, but he could have sworn he heard frantic whispers and sadistic giggles on the other side. He waited, expression blank, as he stared into the blinding white depths of the bedroom door.

"Just a minuuuute" a singsong voice that DID NOT, by the way, belong to Axel, called.

The blonde shuddered inwardly and resumed his original position of sitting, cross-legged, to the left of the door.

More than a minute passed with no incident.

He started to doze off again.

The door opened suddenly, and drowzy blue eyes traveled slowly up someone's leg.

Whoa, what?

"Roxas!!" a flustered Axel cried, smacking the oblivious Nobody in the face with a pillow she'd been carrying for no apparent reason and fleeing back into Larxene's room.

The door shut again.

Roxas sighed, _very _confused, and sat still once more, clutching wearily at the sweet-smelling pillowcase.

--

And that, my dears, is where I leave you this time, because I've next to no inspiration and badly need an update.

Hope it doesn't suck as bad as I think it does...

More on what goes on behind closed doors next time!!


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